‘Christians in name only’: Uh, did pro-life Pam Bondi really work with a preacher who prayed for all ‘Satanic’ fetuses to miscarry?

If it wasn’t bad enough that Trump’s personal lawyer is set to head the Justice Department — just as in his last presidency, with William Barr — Bondi has been associating with some seriously crazy money grubbing lunatics. In lieu of her appointment, her former co-author Paula White has been dragged into the conversation, and the association is not a good look.

We say that eyes are a window to the soul, and Paula White’s lifeless eyes truly make me believe that. Her botoxed-angel face has the eyes of a shark, and she’s made her career wielding the Bible’s words to her advantage. With Trump’s help, she even landed a cushy federal job at the Centers for Faith and Opportunity Initiatives — a role made just for her — that focused on “giving religious groups more voice in government programs.”

But we all know that sentiment only extended to one religion. 

She founded Without Walls International Church with her second husband in 1991, and the pair made a living off of the charity of others. After 15 years, the church had the second largest congregation in the U.S., with 20,000 attendees. A 2011 Senate investigation showed that the pair used almost 1 million dollars in tax-deductible church donations to buy a mansion and a private jet, but actions were never taken against them. 

White has a massive reach and clearly no conscience so we shouldn’t be surprise to learn that the preacher is staunchly pro-life. Well, unless those unborn children are “Satanic fetuses,” whatever that means. During a sermon that only South Park could dream up, the preacher frenetically told her congregation that they need to her in prayer to “cancel every surprise from the witchcraft.”

“Any hex, any spell, any witchcraft, any spirit of control, any Jezebel,” she relentlessly spews. “Demonic manipulation, we curse that,” White cries before upping the loony ante to take aim at fish and, for some reason, the animal kingdom as well. 

It’s the kind of thing you might see on a New York City corner right next to a sign that says, “the end is nigh,” but White somehow escalates the situation. “In the name of Jesus, we command all Satanic pregnancies to miscarry, right now,” she cries, waging spiritual warfare. “We declare that anything that has been conceived in satanic wombs, that it’ll miscarry. It will not be able to carry forth any plan of destruction.”

Lady, there was already a way for godless sinners to choose not to carry a pregnancy to term, and your party is doing everything in it’s power to stop a woman’s freedom to choose. Perhaps if White spent less time yelling at heathenistic fish or pointing the finger at demonic lions she might have a thought to spare for how banning abortions directly works against her insufferable lamentation, but I’m guessing those brain cells are busy trying to find a way to blame insects for demons as well.

Make no mistake, White’s words are meant to draw a line in the sand between her Televangelist Pentecostal believers and, well, the rest of us, and Bondi’s association with her should make reasonable people uneasy. Bondi’s nomination was thoroughly questioned by the U.S. Senate Committee on the Judiciary, but despite ample evidence of her ties to extremists, she likely going to cinch A.G.

Bondi is on the cusp of being the chief law enforcement officer in the U.S. She’ll advise Trump on all legal matters. Who she associates with— shares opinions with— concerns all of us. Especially those of us with “Satanic wombs.”