Time itself freezes Donald Trump after he chronicles lifespan of cans and brings a lame lie out of cold storage

In what could only be described as a temporal anomaly, time itself took a coffee break during former President Donald Trump‘s speech at the NRA meeting in Dallas yesterday.

The NRA (National Rifle Association) convention is a stronghold for Trump’s most ardent ers. There, he advocated for banning trans rights and restricting abortion, and urged gun owners to assertively challenge the election results with their votes. Eventually, it seemed the teleprompter couldn’t handle the toxicity anymore and simply shut down.

For a full 35 seconds, which felt more like an eternity to some, The Big Mac paused mid-rant and could only oscillate between shaking his head and wearing an expression that screamed, “Why me?” since he is unable to string together two coherent words on his own.

But before the universe hit the pause button and elicited stifled giggles, Trump was in full flow, resurrecting every (false) claim he could find from the back of his political freezer. During his speech, Trump took a moment to remind us all of his “genius” credentials, credited to his familial connection to an MIT professor he claims served longest in the university’s history (which, by the way, has been debunked).

John G. Trump, indeed a respected figure in the scientific community, served as a professor at MIT from 1936 until his retirement in 1973. His primary work at MIT involved electrical engineering, and he made significant contributions in the fields of electrical insulation, high voltage phenomena, and radiation therapy for cancer.

However, MIT has had numerous professors who have served longer than John G. Trump. Historical records and MIT’s own archives would confirm that while Professor Trump was a respected member of the faculty from 1936 until his retirement in 1973, his tenure does not make him the longest-serving professor either in of continuous years or in of impact across multiple decades beyond his own (via Newsweek).

Associating himself with John, Donald touched on his belief in the “racehorse theory,” which is a fine theory if you’re breeding horses, perhaps not so much for discussing genetics and human capability. But hey, when has Trump ever let facts get in the way of a good soundbite? 

This is not the only time when Trump has tried to bring up his uncle to counter the rumors of his shrinking IQ levels (they are not rumors). In various interviews and campaign rallies in the past, he used such references to imply that he has a natural inclination toward understanding complex subjects.

Well, this doesn’t mean he suddenly became the world’s leading expert on urban waste management and the lifespan of discarded cans:

It’s as if he knew every can’s life story, how long they’ve been around, and probably even their hopes and dreams. The specificity of his can-knowledge might strike some as a bizarre focus for a presidential hopeful, but perhaps it’s all part of a grander vision. Or maybe it’s just easy to talk about cans rather than confronting more pressing issues – with or without a teleprompter. Trump went full builder mode, promising to transform Washington D.C. from what he described as a city of graffiti, potholes, and yes, those pesky, long-lived cans. Never mind that he had four years to do just that and failed miserably.

As the election cycle heats up, one can only imagine what other forgotten or trivial stuff Trump will thrust into the political spotlight, all while the real issues demand more than just promises and hyperbole. It’s clear that the former president has lost his touch (if he ever had it to begin with).